Tonight
by Queen-Of-Sins
Summary: Malex. One came back to the other who never forgot.
1. Back to Basics

**Okay this is fair long & my first Malex story. We blame Anna and a lot of England rain and my love for Season 2 of the OC. Anyway, I'll probably do this in two or three chapters, maybe more, I don't know. But this opening one is quite long because I had to set it all up, next chapters will be shorter.**

**Oh, and I don't own anything because the show was cancelled.**

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**Chapter 1: Back To Basics**

The blonde haired girl let out a deep sigh at the sight before her. She was back in Newport where the women lived with heels up their asses and the men with something similar there too. She liked this place though, even as she left fighting those tears two years ago she actually liked this place. The sun was setting and it made the whole place look calmer.

"Are we going to go or what, Alex? It's very romantic and all but I'm tired and I want to look my best tomorrow." Alex smiled at the sound of Jodie's voice next to her. She would have given anything to not have to come here alone and Jodie had jumped at the chance saying the view of women in bikinis on the beach was a lot better after going back to LA and screwing around.

"For what?" The blonde tilted her head as she looked at her friend, the ever present purple streak made itself known in the dying sun.

"Checking out the value around here. It's been a while." She put her feet up on the dashboard of the jeep. Last time they had been here it was cherry red but Alex traded it in for a blue one. Jodie never remembered why, her friend had just mumbled something about bad memories and starting fresh.

"Yeah." She trailed her reply as she started the jeep again and drove off. Hopefully her old job would still be there as would some old faces. She shook her head, she was over Marissa and even if she wasn't the ocean eyed girl had hurt her deep before and there was no going back.

-

"I was out with Summer, Ryan, stop being so protective of me!" Marissa Cooper was as far to the edge as she could be with Ryan. He had turned up out of the blue at Summer's house demanding why she didn't tell him where she was.

"Then why didn't you answer your phone?" He hated getting jealous like this but he turned quickly at the thought of his girlfriends lips on somebody else and ever since the Trey incident and the crash, which had put her into a coma for a month, he had been like her bodyguard, not her boyfriend.

"Because I was having a good time with my best friend. Chill out." She went to her bedroom door and opened it hoping he would take the hint. "It's getting late, Ryan, I want to go to bed." She listened to him sigh and give up like he always did, he never fought for her anymore, and watched as he walked towards her.

"Do you want to go to the Bait Shop tomorrow? Seth and Summer will be there and maybe a few others."

"Okay. I'll be there about 8." It was a statement, she didn't want him to come to her house and she didn't want to see him until 8 the following night.

"See you there." He kissed her cheek softly and left her bedroom.

Marissa waited until she heard the front door click shut and waited a few moments before letting out a sigh and shutting her own bedroom door. She picked up her phone and saw the five missed calls and three messages all from Ryan. And for what? It wasn't for anything important he just got jealous. She closed her eyes as she fell onto her bed, his jealousy reminded her a bit of Alex and how she had gotten herself so worked up. Just as quickly as she had laid down she sat up. She was thinking about Alex again. This had been an ongoing thing recently, after Alex had left she forced herself to stop thinking about her and it had worked. Up until she had the car crash. She could have sworn when she had woken up she had seen the blonde haired beauty sitting next to her and she saw her in her dreams for at least a month afterwards. But for two years now she hadn't heard a thing from her. _She's probably moved onto another girl. _Marissa closed her eyes and laid back once more, sleep not taking too long to come over her.

-

Jodie sat outside the Bait Shop watching the people go by. Alex had been inside and was probably at this moment begging for her old job back, that was if anyone even remembered her. She caught sight of a couple walking towards her, both had dark hair and they were clinging to each other something sickly. She knew the guy, Seth or something, from last time she had been here but he seemed oblivious to her. The girl finally seemed to peel away from the guy, who changed his direction, and walked even closer to where she was sat, she was quite hot in an innocent-yet-not kind of way. She recognized her, maybe she'd done her in the past, but she didn't dwell on it. She was never good with faces.

"Hey. I was just wondering if you know where the owner of this place is? Have you seen him?" Summer asked the woman. Only to be answered by the shake of the head.

"No. I've been away from here a while so I don't know who owns what. My friend is in there at the moment with someone though, that could be him." Jodie picked up the bottle of water she had bought and took a long drink before continuing. "She'll be out soon." As soon as the words came out of her mouth the door opened and Alex stepped into the sunlight.

"I got the job. I start this Monday so two days off to do nothing." She stated. Her eyes moved to the extra person near Jodie and her face shifted from happy to shock. "Summer?" God, she hoped that was her name. It was Marissa's best friend after all and she should know her.

"Alex. What are you doing back here?"

Jodie stood up and placed herself next to Alex, not to be one left out of a conversation and mainly because Alex didn't seem to be too happy. "I'm Jodie." Her voice was sarcastic but she wanted to be known. "We came back because Alex needed some space from LA. How do you know each other?" She liked being nosy.

"I - When I was here I knew Summer's friend." Alex stammered but found her composure. "Marissa, you've met her." She looked at Jodie and instantly her friend knew everything she needed to know.

"Oh. Well nice to meet you." She nodded at Summer and looked around for the boy but couldn't find him. "We should get going, we've just settled into a place and we need to unpack everything and make it somewhat livable." She let Alex say a quick goodbye before she dragged her friend away, talking about her job.

Summer watched at the two women made their way to a parked car and quickly fumbled around in her small bag for her phone. She grasped her prize and quickly typed in something and hit send before she saw her boyfriend re-appear.

"I found a quiet place." He grinned at her. Her feet finally found the play button and she ran towards him, laughing as she did so.

-

Marissa Cooper didn't take well to change. When change came she drank and when she drank she passed out only to wake up to more change. But she made a vow that she wouldn't drink again. Damn conscience. When she was drunk it didn't speak to her.

_"Coop, you'll never guess who is back! Alex Kelly. And she has her old job back, she must be here for a while." _

She must have read that around fifteen times but the damn thing didn't change. Alex was at the Bait Shop and she was going to the Bait Shop. She didn't know if she should feel nervous or excited about going, all she knew is that her stomach was doing flips about a girl that left without hardly a goodbye two years ago.

-

Marissa sunk into the booth next to Ryan who automatically moved his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer and keeping her there. Usually she liked that but tonight she wasn't in the mood for his clingy attitude.

"Hey Coop." He kissed the top of her head and smiled down at her. She moved and looked back at him smiling slightly and settling into the routine of forgetting about the fight before and just getting on with it. She was about to say something when Seth took his place opposite her and placed some drinks onto the table.

"Finally Cohen." Summer sighed grabbing her drink and swallowing a decent mouthful. "I was dying here." She smiled though when Seth put his hand on her thigh and relaxed a little bit.

"I bought you just water." He directed at Marissa. "I wasn't sure." He watched as she took the drink gratefully and waited until the glass was set back down onto the table. "That Alex is back you know. She isn't working though, here with some girl and she's looking hot." He flinched as Summers hand swatted him on the arm. "What? She does." He ignored the roll of his girlfriends eyes and silently fiddled with his glass.

"She's back?" Ryan sounded jealous. He looked at Marissa but didn't meet her glass and turned his focus to Seth. "Where is she?"

"Dancing, kind of, with some dark-haired chick." He watched Marissa's eyes flick up at that and she shifted in her seat.

"Gonna go to the bathroom." She quickly got up before anybody could say anything and left. Her eyes scanned for Alex, almost automatically and on their own, she could almost hear Ryan's jealousy and Summers thoughts on what was going through her mind but it had been playing on her mind all day and she needed to see Alex in the flesh to believe she was back. She finally locked on her, she had her head thrown back and was laughing at something and another girl stood close to her with both her hands on her waist. Marissa felt her stomach clench and suddenly it was the bathroom she needed to be.

-

"I've just seen that Marissa girl, baby." Jodie said as she fiddled with her friends top. "She looked right over then, kind of, ran away." She searched Alex's eyes as the blonde girl sighed.

"Dosen't surprise me. Wait right here, I won't be too long." She moved away from Jodie and walked to the bathroom, she needed to cool down and a splash of water would do the trick. She thanked the stars she had waterproof mascara on and she opened the door, only to walk into the person she didn't want to.

"Alex. Hey, hi." Marissa leant against the doorframe and looked down at the woman in front of her. She hadn't changed much, she still had the high cheekbones, pouty lips and striking eyes. Her body hadn't changed much either. Instead of hearing her voice Marissa received a tight smile as the woman who had been haunting her of late brushed past her and made her way into the bathroom. Without a second thought she followed and put her hands on the sink next to Alex's.

"What? Are you following me now?" Her tone was harsh and Marissa was hurt.

"No, I just - I haven't seen you in a while." She furrowed her eyebrows. What was her problem? "Besides, you're the one back here in Newport. How do I know you're not following me?" She folded her arms happy with her reply.

"I wouldn't have any reason too." She was blunt about it but she couldn't help the little smirk that pulled on her lips. The girl hadn't lost her sarcasm. Realising she shouldn't be so cold Alex turned to Marissa and smiled slightly, watching a glint of something in the others eyes. "I'm tired. I don't mean to be snappy."

"Oh. Well, maybe we can meet up sometime? How long are you here for?" She tried to focus on the lined eyes of her ex, if you could say that, but she found herself glancing down at her body. How the hell did she keep her stomach that tight? She was wearing a simple black vest top and skirt combo and yet she pulled it off to look so much better. The purple streak made itself known, too, in the bright light of the bathroom.

"Until the beer runs out in this place and I have no money left I guess." Alex shrugged. "So a long time around here." She watched a smile grace Marissa's lips and realised it had been a long time since she had seen something that genuine.

"Tomorrow? Me and Summer were going to go shopping but I think Seth has decided on something else for her." Marissa realised a little too late she seemed too eager and tried to back peddle quickly. "If you want too. I mean you don't have too I just thought we could catch up. " Alex seemed amused.

"Sure, Riss" The blonde replied. She liked this, it was awkward or emotional it was just comfortable and though it had been a long time it was like she could settle into a relaxed state with Marissa and not have to worry about the past. Damn, she thought about it again.

"I changed my cell. Here." She looked around for a pen and smiled when Alex handed her one. She felt her stomach clench once more at the use of the nickname by the waiting woman and she realised she missed it.

"You never know when a girl might give you her number in a bar bathroom." She watched as the other girl blushed and didn't know if she should feel smug or nervous. Were they still meant to make each other blush?

"There." The light brunette handed her number over. "Call me when you have time." Without a goodbye she quickly made her way out of the bathroom. Her heart was beating way over it's limit and she felt like she had just been hit in the stomach. God, she still had an effect on her. Quietly she made her way back to the table and finished the rest of her night with her friends. Tomorrow would be interesting.

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**What did you think? **


	2. Would you tremble?

**Okay, so this isn't that much shorter lol.**

**Chapter 2: Would you tremble?**

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Marissa looked at her phone. No calls. Her phone hadn't rang since Summer had phoned the night before claiming that her and Seth were going away for two days for some romance. She waved them off and still stood in the bus terminal staring at her phone. It had been nine days since she had seen Alex and during that period it was like she wasn't even back in Newport. She didn't see her around and even when she went to the Bait Shop she was told that Alex was busy doing something else.

She had actually hoped her phone would ring when she stared at it but it never did. Alex was probably laughing at her for remotely thinking she would call and Marissa pursed her lips. She had given her the right number, so why hadn't the blue-eyed rebel phoned her? Walking back to her car Marissa fiddled with several items, like she usually did when she was nervous, and she slid behind the wheel of her car still numbly thinking about Alex and their past.

Throwing her phone onto the passenger seat she flicked on the radio and started her car. Hopefully a drive would clear her mind and she could spend the rest of the day with Ryan. Without thinking she rolled her eyes. Actually, she'd rather have the day to herself.

-

It was only one o'clock and already Alex Kelly was beyond bored. Jodie was doing some dance around the kitchen as she searched for, well anything, and watching her only entertained the bored woman for a short while. She had painted her nails; both fingers and toes, done some washing, unpacked her music and made four cups of coffee. The only thing she hadn't done was let her mind wander to Marissa.

Damn. She thought about her.

She pulled out a scrap of paper and saw Marissa's number scrawled on it. She hadn't had time to call her, she had either been working or with Jodie or asleep.

"Why don't you just call her? Meet up and go back to your old ways." Jodie licked some peanut butter from a spoon and fell awkwardly onto the couch. Alex looked at her with meaningful eyes but the other woman didn't pay attention, instead choosing to stick the spoon in her mouth.

"I can't. She's probably busy." Alex finally answered; she wasn't entirely sure why she hadn't called her. Probably something to do with the way her heart would beat faster if she thought about the young woman. What would happen if she actually saw her? Alex didn't like the idea of the possibilities.

"How do you know until you've phoned?" Once more the dark haired girl stood up, collected a jar of peanut butter from the kitchen and sat down across from Alex. "There is such a thing as called 'just friends' you know." She poked her with the spoon before unscrewing the top to her prize.

"You don't understand that meaning. You never have friends." Alex folded her arms across her yellow t-shirt as her friend pretended to be hurt.

"Yes I do. I just happen to sleep with some of them now and again." She heard Alex sigh but didn't look at her. "What are you so worried about?" Instead of using the spoon Jodie decided her finger would be better and stuck her index one in and scooped a small bit of the light go into her mouth.

"I fell hard once. I don't want to do it again." There, she admitted it. "Plus she's straight."

"I would. Plus she didn't mind before." Jodie licked her lips and finally looked at her friend. She wasn't too good at this advice stuff; she always ended up being too blunt or just not saying the right thing. "Look, I know you like her a lot but the fact is you can't have her. You want her in your life so let her be as a friend. Plus, you could always pretend to be in a relationship with me." Alex looked up at her, obviously impressed at the first part of her advice but completely lost on the second half.

"And pretending to be with you would help how?" Alex stole the jar from Jodie's hands. She never liked the stuff too much but she hadn't had anything to eat in the last 36 hours and peanut butter was very tempting indeed at the moment.

"You don't cheat. If you think that you're with me then you won't kiss Marissa and you won't ruin the friendship that you'll have." She reasoned taking her jar.

"That's the most ridiculous, yet best, advice you have ever given." Alex figured. "Where's the old Jodie?"

"Oh, I'm still here. I've never been in an open relationship so I can use this as a basis." She watched her friend roll her eyes.

"Do you ever think about anything else but you in bed with some random person?"

"Yes. I also think about the couch, the wall and the floor."

Alex laughed and threw a pillow at her friend. Maybe she could salvage something out of this situation afterall.

-

Marissa pulled the keys out of her car and slid a pair of over-sized sunglasses onto her face. She had pulled up onto an almost deserted car park but the view seemed nice, it would give her time to think about everything; not just one little problem. She closed her eyes and images of Alex and Ryan flooded her mind.

Ryan would always be her safe option, he would be there for her through anything and he would love her unconditionally forever. Marissa never doubted that, but she could never convince herself she held the same love for him. Occasionally she would catch him just looking at her as though she were his world and if anything should happen to her, where he might never see her again, he would crumble. She could never return that though, she knew if he left her life she would be devastated but she would move on and find somebody else and forget about him over time. It hurt her to know she didn't truly love him.

She watched Summer and Seth and sometimes wished she and Ryan still had the love that they shared, but it had been over a year since she felt like that, now it felt like an effort to even see him sometimes. She convinced herself every morning though that she would love him like she used to again, but she knew that just wasn't true. She loved him as her best friend. Yet, she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him.

Alex was different. She brought out a side to Marissa that she didn't know she had. Alex was there when she got that tattoo on her back and Alex was there when she needed someone to talk to, but she never felt like a best friend. She felt like more. Maybe it was just a phase but Marissa knew that Alex had meant a lot to her in the past and it confused her that she could still mean something to her now, given the chance.

Her eyes snapped to her phone when she heard it ringing and she heard herself whispering that she didn't want it to be Ryan. She checked the caller ID but didn't recognise the number; instead of ignoring it like she would usually she answered it.

"Hello?" She waited but heard nothing. "Hello?" She hated having to repeat herself.

"Marissa? It's Alex." Marissa smiled at the voice and relaxed into her seat.

"Oh. I didn't recognise the number."

"I changed it." Why did she seem to be moody?

"Are you okay?" Marissa asked playing with her hair. "I haven't seen you around recently."

"Fine, I've just been really busy." Alex struggled to keep the conversation going. It was too hard when she was having images of the other girl playing in her mind. "What about you?"

"Same." Marissa paused. Now what?

"I, uh, you said I should phone if you wanted to go out. If I had the time and, well, I have time." Alex pulled a face. "I mean we can go out tomorrow if you want." What the hell was happening to her?

"Sure." She replied quickly. Her heart rate increased and it felt like a weight had been lifted. "Where do you want to meet?"

"You decide. Call me later okay? Jodie is shouting at me about something and ignoring her isn't working." She let out a slight laugh and smiled when Marissa returned it.

"Okay. Talk soon." She didn't wait for a goodbye and clicked her phone down. She actually felt excited about talking to her later and smiled at herself in the mirror. "Marissa Cooper, what are you doing?" She glanced at her phone as it rang again, flashing Ryan's name, she was a very wanted woman today.

-

That damn phone just wouldn't stop ringing. Jodie had stared at it, ignored it, put it under a pillow and thought about throwing it out of the window but it just wouldn't stop. For the last ten minutes it had rang, nobody had answered so it stopped and then two minutes later it would ring again. Jodie, on any other occasion, would have answered it but Alex had ordered her not to. Alex was in the shower though and Jodie rolled her eyes when the bloody thing rang again. She picked it up and pushed answer.

"Yes?"

"Alex?" Marissa was confused; this was the right number wasn't it?

"No, this is Jodie." She looked at her nails and figured she would re-do them tomorrow. "Who's this?"

"Marissa." She answered after a pause. She didn't know how to take the situation. Where Jodie and Alex together or just living with one another? She was about to speak again when she heard some sort of argument on the other side of the phone and then a door shutting.

"I'm so sorry, I told her not to answer." Alex's voice soothed Marissa quickly. "I was in the shower and I didn't want to take it in there with me. I just ran out now when I heard her talking." She flopped back on her bed still holding her towel and dismissed the fact her bed was getting wet.

"It's okay. You said ring so I did." She heard Alex mutter something similar to 'yeah, okay' but she wasn't too sure. "Am I interrupting? I can call back."

"No, no - I'm just trying to talk and get dressed without falling over at the same time." Alex sat on the bed and gave up. "I guess I'll put a top on later." She loved that they could have a normal conversation again, she always figured it would be difficult but this wasn't, it was like she had never left.

"Oh." She wasn't too sure what to say as images assaulted her brain. Not that she forced them away. "I was just wondering. Do you want to go somewhere quiet tomorrow, so we can catch up? You've missed a lot around here."

"I bet." Sarcasm hinted in her voice. "I'll pick you up if you want. We'll decide tomorrow."

"About ten?"

"Riss, you'll be lucky if I'm half awake at that time." Alex stated only to get a laugh as a response.

"You used to wake up really early before, though." Marissa paused, was this territory she knew she shouldn't get herself into?

"I've changed a bit."

Marissa was about to reply before she heard Alex shouting. _"Jodie get out of the room!" _Marissa smiled; she hated it when people went into her room too. Then she heard a distant reply _"Oh, my God you're topless I'm so not leaving." _Marissa's breath haltered and she froze. They were obviously close. Finally after about a minute and the sound of the door shutting again, Alex's voice returned to her.

"I could kill that girl sometimes." She licked her lips hoping that the girl on the other end wasn't too upset that she ignored her for Jodie.

"Hate when people do that." She replied quietly. Neither was sure what to say, before Marissa remembered their conversation again. "How about eleven thirty?"

"Thanks for that extra hour and a half." Alex half teased. "That's fine though. You still living with you mom?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Marissa sighed. "Our relationship has gotten a little better now though. I still use your technique." She heard Alex muffle an obvious chuckle and she rolled her eyes waiting for it.

"All the girls seem to say that to me." Marissa almost mouthed what Alex said silently, priding herself on knowing the blonde so well.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled refusing to add to her inflamed ego. "Bye." This time she waited.

"See you, Riss." She phoned clicked off and unknowing both girls let out a short sigh.


	3. My Baby Shot Me Down

**This is a little shorter. I have a vague idea on what is going to happen it's just actually being bothered to write it. I hate being so lazy. And, yet, I dont. **

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**Chapter 3: My Baby Shot Me Down.**

"You proposed to her?" Ryan didn't know what else to say before he heard his brother laugh nervously. He obviously was hoping for his brother's support. "Dude, that's amazing. I always figured it would be you first."

"You're not mad? You don't think were too young or anything? Are you really okay with it?" Seth had obviously built up a lot of courage for this phone call and Ryan couldn't help but let his mind wander to how he had coped building up courage to propose.

"No, it's great." He actually meant that.

"Good. Because I need my best man to approve of it." He didn't want to be melodramatic or anything but Ryan couldn't help the smile that danced on his handsome face.

"I'd be your best man anyway." They both paused for a moment, not wanting to get too emotional. Men didn't do that. "So, when are you back? We should have a party."

"Early tomorrow. I hope anyway, Summer has been calling everybody she knows. It wouldn't surprise me if she's on the phone to your girl now." He heard Ryan sigh and narrowed his eyes, moving to the window in hope Summer couldn't hear the conversation. "You and Marissa are still okay, yeah?"

"I don't know. She's still distant, like, when I want to be close to her she pulls away. I don't know what to do, I'm there for her but she pushes me away." He licked his lips and looked out of the window. "But, it'll be okay. It's probably a phase you know Marissa. I have to go to work. I'll speak to you tomorrow."

"It still amazes me you have your own business you know." Seth laughed into the sentence but his mind still worried about his brother. Everybody could see that Marissa was obviously pulling away from him, and he and Summer had talked about getting involved but choose not to. It wasn't their fight. "As small as the business is."

"It will be big someday." Ryan promised. He focused a lot of energy onto his business in architecture and had worked hard to get here. He was making money and that was what counted. "I'll see you tomorrow." After listening to a goodbye he hung up the phone, his eyes catching a small framed picture of himself and Marissa. Leaning back slightly, he sighed.

-

"It can't be pink and it can't have bows on it." Marissa stated down her phone as she sat on her front steps waiting for Alex to turn up. It seemed too casual to be comfortable but Marissa had woken up an hour early that morning and actually, for the first time in months, sang in the shower. Her mother had seemed impressed at her daughters change in mood and the two had a half-normal conversation about the new season fashion line in the magazine. Then she had left Marissa to go and do something else to satisfy her craving for attention.

"Don't be gross." Summer picked at her nails. "You can choose your own dress."

"I can't believe he proposed." Marissa figured she was probably more excited than her friend. She never became too excited about anything before, granted the alcohol slowed her actions. "Was it romantic and sweet? Or just plain Seth-like?" There was a pause.

"A mixture really." They both laughed. "It was on a beach and it was calm so he laid out a few candles and flowers, because our apartment was on the beach literally, but it was more romantic than cheesy. Then he stumbled on his words and when I said yes he almost fell over. I'm too happy to complain though."

"I can't wait until you get back. We'll have to do so much shopping."

"Will Ryan let you have the time off?" Marissa rolled her eyes at her friend's lame joke. Ryan had employed her as his 'Personal Assistant' at the business and Summer had teased her for about a month saying she should get a job away from the love of her life. Truth be told, Marissa was just happy to settle.

"Oh it's good for you Miss. Campaign Winner, or whatever." For Summer ever since she had gotten her job in saving the world she had gotten the largest amount of signatures possible and life was going very smooth. Marissa figured it was her looks. Seth had just stuck to his talent and was writing his comic book series. "And, yeah, he will let me have time off."

"Good." Marissa listened to her friend ramble on for a little while. "And, the bridesmaid always has to sleep with the best man so you're sorted there." Marissa pursed her lips.

"Yeah. Should be a really good night." She did try and put some effort into that sentence. Honestly. But she was distracted by the sound of a car approaching. "Sum, I have to go. My friend is here."

"Alex?"

"How did you know?" Crap, she probably didn't.

"A wild guess. I'll phone you when we get back tomorrow." Marissa issued a goodbye and stood up as she put her phone into her pocket watching as the blue Jeep approached her. She liked the red one better; they shared a lot of times in that. Marissa let out a tight smile and climbed into the car, taking position next to Alex.

-

They drove around quietly for the first ten minutes, listening to the quiet voice of some unknown singer on the radio. Marissa watched as Alex lent into her hand on her door as she drove and resisted the urge to move a stray piece of hair out of her eyes.

"Do you ever change that purple streak?" Marissa winced. That was a pathetic excuse for a conversation starter she had ever uttered. She noticed the small smile on Alex's mouth though and dared to continue it. "Not that I don't like it."

"I've changed it a few times. Blue, black, red and I had it a dark pink once but I guess I just like purple." She glanced at Marissa before focusing on the road. "Do you ever change the depth of your tan?" Marissa gasped sarcastically at the teasing statement.

"This is natural thank you." She huffed folding her arms. They stayed quiet for a few moments longer before Alex pulled into a deserted car park. Marissa glanced around; this was the one she was on the other day. "So, instead of being aimless. Where do you want to go?" She watched Marissa shrug and held back an amused smile. She wouldn't make a very good decision maker.

"We can stay here." She said softly, turning so she could get a better look out of the window. A few more minutes passed and both girls felt themselves becoming uncomfortable, it was usually more relaxed than this. It used to be easy. She felt the car stop fully as Alex pulled the keys out.

"So." She heard Alex's voice, obviously trying to gain some sort of momentum in their fragile relationship. "What's new around Newport?"

"Seth and Summer got engaged." She said automatically. "And they are both in pretty good jobs. We've all grown up a bit." Alex nodded and unbuckled her seatbelt so she could get comfortable. She swiveled in her seat and put her feet up, just next to the steering wheel.

"All?"

"Yeah, me, Summer, Seth and Ryan. We're all working and, oh, my step-dad received some more money so my mom is happier than ever."

"Working? My, my, how things change for the privileged." Marissa caught the tone in her voice. Alex never liked the idea of things being given to somebody on a plate just because they happened to be born into the proper family; she respected people more when they worked for their fortune. Alex felt the tension and moved on. "So, Seth and Summer? That's good."

"Yeah. I'm her head bridesmaid apparently. Ryan is Seth's best man. It'll be a good excuse for a party in any case." She moved some hair out of her face and looked at Alex, straight into her eyes before redirecting her look to her whole face. The sun highlighted her features and Marissa hated it.

"So you still enjoy those parties around here?" Alex didn't want to get onto the conversation of Ryan though his name had been mentioned twice and it was proving increasingly difficult to hide that small tinge of jealousy. She just hoped Marissa didn't notice.

"Without the alcohol though." Alex seemed shocked. "I went through some stuff and I realised I needed to sort my life out before I ruined it." She fiddled with her fingers; she didn't want to remember the past.

"You want to tell me?" Alex tilted her head. The conversation had taken the deep route. "Trust me, I have enough chips and soda in the back to keep us going and if we need to we can go back to mine and Jodie's." Her eyes lit up when she saw Marissa tense. She didn't want to be happy but she was.

"I'll tell you when you tell me about your past." Marissa sent her a look and Alex looked away. She hated her past and she hated that Jodie even knew.

"I don't think you would like it." She admitted. "It's complicated." Marissa felt guilty and her heart heaved when she thought she saw tears prick the other girl's eyes. It was that moment Marissa realised she was falling again.

"We can be complicated together, you know, mine isn't that great either." She needed to be there for her friend.

"Then I'd rather we went to my place." She didn't. She just wanted to be alone with Marissa out of the breeze. "It's easier to talk about it when I have a hot drink. If that's okay with you?"

"Perfect." Marissa's eyes danced. "What about Jodie? Won't she mind?" Here we go, Marissa thought, bring up the other woman. She smiled at the sentence, it sounded strange.

"No. She'll be busy doing other things." Or women. "She won't come home until tomorrow knowing her." She bit her lip and realised she should be more worried about Jodie but her heart was set on Marissa, like it had been for the past two years.

"Are you two, like, dating or something?" The question came right out and Marissa's eyes widened in shock. She almost slapped her hand over her mouth. Alex contemplated what Jodie had told her the night before and set her eyes on the brunette.

"Are you still with Ryan?" She watched the girl nod slowly and before she could stop them the words were out. "Then I'm with Jodie."

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**I**** know the title is very random but it was the song I had to at the time as I finished this off. **


	4. Pieces Of Me

**Thanks for all the reviews :) Nearly finished this now I think, we'll see how it progresses. I'm sorry for the length!**

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**Chapter 3: Pieces of Me**

She didn't generally like lying to people but she could do it well. Alex stirred the coffee and finally took them into the waiting girl. She had her reasons though, if Marissa was in a relationship their friendship shouldn't be jeopardized by one's love of the other. It wasn't love though was it?

She sat next to Marissa and waited for her to speak. She hadn't said much since Alex had told her about Jodie and only answered to questions that needed an answer of 'yes' or 'no' and after a while they didn't speak much at all.

"So, did you make it right with your parents?" Marissa knew what she really wanted to ask but she didn't dare. There was no point in torturing herself about the presence of Jodie, afterall she had Ryan and Alex would always be a friend.

"Sort of." She replied getting comfortable. "They don't really want to accept me for who I am but I told them, I can't change - I've tried but this is me and they would just have to accept it." She bit her lip remembering the fights and the harsh reality of being a disappointment at the end of her father's hand. He slapped her hard but she got him back. Marissa saw her friends eyes cloud over and she furrowed her eyebrows, she knew there was more to Alex Kelly than met the eye.

"Why did you come back to Newport?" She still sat stiff on the couch. This was a different place to what Alex had lived in before, although it looked the same, the feeling that she wasn't meant to be in this place wouldn't budge from her mind. She watched as Alex looked away from her, obviously thinking of a story. "Don't lie to me either. Not if we're starting fresh."

"I got into some trouble. Started hanging out with the wrong people, doing the usual. I realised I was more grounded when I was here, so I figured I'd come back and sort my life out before I moved on again. It's not that bad here afterall." She hated talking about her past and turned her attention back to the brunette. "Your turn. What happened to turn your life around?" It took a while before Marissa answered and Alex feared she was going to turn and run out of the door.

"I was attacked by one of Ryan's family. He was called Trey." She leant back in the sofa and she warmed when she saw Alex was clearly distressed at the thought of her being hurt. "I don't remember much, they say I probably blocked it out. I just remember he forced himself on me." She stopped when she saw Alex almost recoil and close her eyes. "Are you okay?" Alex nodded but she wasn't. She remembered back to the time when she was attacked by someone she thought she knew. He told her he would turn her 'straight and proper if it killed them both'. Luckily Alex had good friends and the guy wasn't heard from again.

"Fine. Go on." Her voice had changed, it was shaking just like the rest of her body and she snapped open her eyes to see Marissa staring at her, trying to read her mind. "I know what you mean, by being attacked. I've had it happen, but this is your story so carry on." She didn't though she just moved closer.

"What happened?" Alex knew Marissa wouldn't let up until she told so she took a deep breath.

"It was just some punk who decided he was going to turn gay people straight. It didn't work." She smiled, but she knew Marissa was shocked. "In fact, when I'm with some girl I feel better knowing that he helped me love them more." She raised an eyebrow. "It happened years ago, it's forgotten. You still haven't finished your story. What happened to the old Marissa Cooper?"

"She's still here." She looked at the floor still coming to terms with the idea that Alex was a vulnerable person and that someone would attack her. She hated the idea someone would hurt her and she realised that she cared more for Alex than she did if someone tried to hurt Ryan. That wasn't how it was meant to be. "She just grew up after Trey attacked her and she was in a car crash."

"Car crash?"

"Yeah. We were run off of the road, me and Ryan, I was in a coma. But, obviously, I'm okay now." Her soft voice ran through Alex's body.

"You've been through so much." Both girls grew silent and finished their drinks before talking again.

"So, why did you change your car? I liked the red one." Marissa smiled at Alex's laughter and found herself becoming more confident and moving even closer to her. She was near the end of the couch now and Alex was in reaching distance so Marissa took her opportunity to feel her again, by hitting her hand gently. "Don't laugh at me."

"I'm sorry. It was just so random. Of all the questions I was expecting that didn't top the list." She ignored the sensation that ran through to her toes when Marissa touched her and re-crossed her legs. "I changed it because I wanted a change from my old life. From the one I had here, it was great but there were too many memories." She shrugged.

"Oh. Memories can be good though." Alex wasn't sure how to answer that. "What questions were you expecting then?"

"I was actually expecting seeing you again to be the worst experience of my life and since it's not I suppose I'm just waiting for whatever."

"Why would seeing me again be the worst experience of your life?" She didn't want to sound hurt but she was. Yeah, she knew they hadn't parted on the best of terms and they didn't exactly stay as close as they wanted to but Marissa hoped that Alex would always want to see her again. Just like Marissa wanted to see her. She waited for Alex's reply but only heard the violent vibrations of her phone on the table. She picked it up cursing it in her mind and looked at the ID. "It's Ryan. I'll have to answer." She stood up and walked out of the room flipping the phone open and answering it.

Alex sat back and half-heartedly listened to the conversation in the other room. She could hear Marissa convincing her boyfriend that she was fine and just catching up with an old friend, her interest peaked though when there was a long pause and finally Marissa admitted to being with Alex. When the young girl finally came back into the room her features were that of frustration.

"I can take you to his house if you want." She suggested. Obviously they wouldn't be able to talk about their past when the present was making itself known by raising its ugly head. Marissa sat down again, though, and looked at Alex.

"No. I want to catch up. He should know that."

"Yeah, but me and Ryan are not the best of friends. I mean, I threw a beer can at his head once." She laughed, partially because it was funny, but mainly because she knew she shouldn't have done it though it gave her some sort of twisted satisfaction. It was a good job she didn't hit him or she would have been hysterical.

"Yeah, he mentioned that. He also mentioned you were a very jealous person, though looking at him now he isn't much better." She shrugged. "I guess I have that effect." She rolled her eyes and gave Alex a small smile.

"Yeah. You do." It's all Alex said before she stood up and got a couple of soft drinks from the fridge.

-

Ryan fiddled with his keys. It had been a few hours since he had spoken to Marissa and she had told him she was with Alex, he must have fallen asleep because when he looked at the bedside clock he saw it read; 9:48. He knew deep down he had been losing Marissa for a long time, each day his grip was slipping on her hand, but it made the jealousy grow inside of him when he had heard she was with Alex. She wouldn't cheat, she was straight, but it was the simple idea of it being Alex. She could convince Marissa within a second that she didn't belong with him and it scared him. It scared him he could lose the only person he loved.

Marissa would never intentionally hurt him but he knew she still had something for the blonde. He sighed, no she was straight. He knew he was forcing his mind to convince it of that but logically she had a boyfriend and her and Summer talked about men. She couldn't like girls. Two years ago had just been a phase. One that she never talked about.

Until recently. On three occasions to be precise. Marissa had been sleeping next to him, cuddled tight into his body, but the name she whispered in her sleep wasn't his. It was Alex's. He didn't know what had started that and he knew if he asked questions she would push him away or grow distant and cold again; so he never mentioned it. She was oblivious to her subconscious and he was ignorant to reality.

He knew a relationship built on the right idea but filled with little white lies wasn't right. Marissa was his world, she always would be and he had wanted to hold onto her. But, recently, the tighter he held the more she struggled to get away.

He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. They couldn't go on as they were and she wouldn't want to hurt him by ending it. The ball was in his court and he wasn't sure how to play it.

-

"So, if you hate your mother and your dad is in the most gorgeous place ever. Why don't you go and live with him?" Alex poked the ice-cube in her glass, watching it sink to the bottom and rise quickly back to the top. Over the last few hours things had loosened up between the two girls and the tension had relaxed. Alex finally moved next to Marissa on the couch and the brunette's bare feet were touching her thigh.

"Trust me. I've thought about it." She finished the last of her drink and leant over to put the glass on the table. "I guess I don't like change."

"So, you and your mom? You think you'll ever have a civil relationship or not?" She watched her shrug and brought her lips to the glass, letting a piece of ice slide into her mouth. She always found it strange but she liked the feeling of the freezing block in her mouth. Marissa watched the small cube fall between Alex's lips and she felt her stomach heave with a sort of need, she almost forgot the question she had been asked but quickly got her thoughts together.

"Well, you know, when I found out she had been sleeping with my ex and the fact she is a total bitch puts a strain on us but in a hundred or so years I'm sure we'll get past a hello without trying to kill each other." Alex would have laughed at that sentence if she didn't know Marissa was being fully truthful.

"She slept with you ex?" Marissa nodded. "It's a good job your not into girls like me then isn't it?" She laughed but stopped when Marissa sent her a glance.

"I was in a relationship with you. How can you say I don't like girls? For all you know I do." The tension had shifted again and Alex rolled her eyes, sick of competing with her.

"Yes, I'm sure Ryan looks amazing in a bikini." She said sarcastically, pulling a face at the image that crept into her mind. "Hon, you like men. I do, just not as much as you. You love Ryan, you're as straight as they come and as for our relationship - if you could call it that near the end - I'm starting to wonder if you did it for attention from your mom and to make Ryan notice you more. I mean, come on, guys seem to become a lot more interested when your tongue is shoved to the back of one of your girlfriends throats." And there it was. The little speech Alex had repeated many times in her mind, out in the open and sinking into an open-mouthed Marissa mind.

"So you think I got together with you to get one over on my mom?" Marissa turned and put her shoes on quickly trying to hide the tears that sprung to her eyes.

"No, I think you were also curious into what it would be like in a same-sex relationship and it scared you and you didn't like it." Alex put a hand on her arm and stopped the young girl from putting her other shoe on. The look she received, though, didn't make up for halting her.

"And when did you become a freaking psychiatrist?" She snapped.

"Marissa. Seriously, if you liked girls you would be with one. You don't, you like men, mainly one called Ryan." Marissa pulled her arm away viciously and stood up. She didn't know why she was angry all she could conjure up though was that Alex doubted her feelings towards her and she hated being called a liar.

"No I don't." She ran a hand through her hair and paused. Shit, she didn't mean to say that. It was out in the open now and she couldn't back-track, especially now Alex was stood in front of her. "I wasn't scared of being with a girl." She bit her lip and pushed her hands into her back pockets. "It was just going too fast and I hated the responsibility I had and I just wanted to have fun. Through that I lost you and I've changed into the person I wanted to be."

"I would have stood by you. You should know that." Alex looked at the girls face and cautiously put her hands on the tanned arms of her friend. "As for you and Ryan. That's your battle, if you don't want to be with him you should leave him."

"And tell him what, Alex? That I can't be with him because I stopped loving him?" Alex nodded but she shook her head. "It'll kill him."

"What about you though? What do you want?" Alex let go of her arms and Marissa instantly felt alone.

"I don't know." She sighed. "If someone told you to break up with Jodie and you knew she loved you what would you do?" Alex glanced at the floor.

"We broke up a long time ago and we got over it."

"I mean now." Marissa pulled her hands out of her pockets and folded her arms beneath her breasts. "What would you do now?"

"I've told you. We got over it and moved on. I and Jodie are not together, I made it up because I figured it would be easier to see you again and old feelings wouldn't resurface." Her brain screamed liar and Alex knew it was right; the old feelings never went away. "But that dosen't changes what you think you should do. I'll take you home, you should think it over."

"Can I see you tomorrow? Like we used to?" She sounded young and scared and Alex felt an urge to look after her. Marissa, though, was still coming down from the unexpected high she had been lifted on upon hearing Alex and Jodie were not together. Alex felt something for her and she knew it, but Marissa's mind was on Ryan and how she would break the news to him. She couldn't keep lying to him, or she and she had to find what she wanted. She had a vague idea but Alex was right. It scared her.

"Sure." She walked to the front door and slipped on a pair of flip-flops before opening the front door.

"So, why didn't you and Jodie hook up?" Marissa walked out to the car and watched Alex as she locked it and followed her footprints.

"We did. It never meant anything, just sex." She climbed into the car and tried to hide the smile that assaulted her face when she saw a flash of jealousy cross Marissa's eyes. "It only lasted a month." She started the car and looked at Marissa who caught her eyes.

"Why such a short time?" Alex licked her lips and smiled at knowing she would have the last word again.

"Because there will always be somebody else in my heart." Without an answer, which she knew she wouldn't get, Alex started the car and headed in the direction of Marissa's house.


	5. Unwritten

**Depending on what feedback I get this may be the last chapter, but I have an idea for either an epilogue or a separate one-shot. I also threw everything into this chapter just to tie it up, in case I don't do anything else. Namely why it's so long. **

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**Chapter 5: Unwritten.**

Marissa didn't sleep much that night. Her thoughts were on Alex and her dreams didn't differ much from what her mind revolved around usually. She had accepted she was bi-sexual over a year ago but she didn't see the need to tell anyone. She was with Ryan and she was still attracted to men so why bring it up? She had hinted to Summer once or twice just to get things off of her chest and she hoped her best friend understood, which she seemed to. She knew about the whole Alex part of her life and she always felt her best friend knew she liked women in a different way since then.

She didn't want accept that she was at first. Afterall, men and women are meant to be together. That what she had always been told and always learnt. Men were with women so reproduction could happen and the world could keep spinning, but that seemed too cliché for her liking. What happened to falling in love and knowing no boundaries? She was never a homophobe and she never judged anybody but she never thought herself that she would fall head over heels for a woman. But she was attracted to women and she accepted it, it wasn't going to go away and it just gave her headache when she tried to convince herself.

She had hoped it was a phase. That it was because she had fallen out with Ryan and that she was looking for something to hurt him with, but it wasn't. She had actually tried to hide her feelings because she was scared of them and because she didn't want to be rejected by her friends. Smiling, she remembered when she had told Summer that she was with Alex and she just seemed to accept it. She would never ridicule her or push her away as long as she was happy.

Sighing Marissa looked at the clock and saw it was still early. Laying back her head hit the pillow and her thoughts drifted to Ryan. As soon as she walked in the house last night a smile grew on her face at the idea she was going to see Alex again, but she knew she couldn't because of her boyfriend. She was attracted to her still and the feelings that she had tried to hide bubbled to the surface. She was falling for Alex Kelly and nobody could pull her back.

Phoning Ryan they had talked and Marissa had almost cried out to him that she didn't love him and she couldn't keep lying to him. Instead she asked if he could come to her house around ten because she wanted to see him about something. She heard the fear in his voice and for the first time in over a year she had genuinely told him she loved him when they hung up.

Sitting up again Marissa grew frustrated. It was seven o'clock so she had time to get ready and sort herself out before Ryan arrived but she felt the butterflies in her stomach still in over-drive and she couldn't figure out if it was because her mind was on Alex or if it was because she was leaving the safe side of her life behind to change. And she hated change.

Picking up her phone she pressed the little green key and found a number she wanted before hitting call.

"What? Hello?" Summer sounded tired. And angry. Marissa felt sorry for Seth who was probably next to her because he would be the one she would take her frustration at being woken up out on.

"Hey. You home?"

"No. Yes. I'm in bed, we've only just arrived. Are you okay?" Summer, awake now, seemed worried about her best friend. She wouldn't phone at such a disrespectful hour unless something was wrong. Or a new clothes store was opening she thought would interest her.

"I - Summer, I'm breaking up with Ryan and I need you to tell me it's a good idea." She was pacing now and she caught herself in the mirror. She looked drained but surprisingly okay for somebody who was going to break up with a guy she claimed to be her true love.

"Why?"

"I can lie to him anymore. You know that." Of course Marissa knew that Summer had caught onto her lies and she didn't try to hide the fact nor did she ever come right out to her friend and say she wasn't in love.

"Why now? What changed your mind? I thought you said you would give it another few months before you decided anything." Summer climbed slowly out of the bed and walked to her window. She glanced at Seth who seemed happy enough with his face in the pillow and his arm at a strange angle; she smiled and looked at her ring. It was a simple band with a small stone, very Seth-like. Simple and to the point, when he wanted to be.

"Alex came back." She muttered. She heard a pause at the other end and closed her eyes. "I know. I shouldn't be feeling like this but Sum I can't help it. She returned and the feelings I have for her resurfaced when I heard her name. Does that make me a bad person? For falling for somebody?" She ran her hand through her hair.

"Coop, don't be stupid. I have three questions to ask you and you need to answer them truthfully without thinking and let your heart lead before I'll tell you what I think about this." Summer drew back her curtain a little bit and let partial sunlight caress her.

"Okay." Marissa was uncertain but she trusted her friend.

"Do you love Ryan?" Of course the dark-haired beauty knew the answer to that but she waited for the reply anyway.

"As a friend. Nothing more."

"Do you think by leaving him it will be for the best? For both of you?" Again, she knew the answer and let the curtain fall from her hands as her fiancé started to wake up at the loss of warmth next to him.

"Yeah. He needs to find a person who will love him more than I ever could and then some."

"Do you love Alex?" This she didn't know the answer to. She knew Marissa pined for her when she left but she hid it well, never admitted anything to anybody and kept quiet when her name was mentioned. Until Summer found a silver heart necklace and Marissa admitted things, that she missed her and needed her back but had accepted she had hurt the girl too much and that she was probably only a distant memory. Then they didn't speak about her again. Summer sat on the bed and ran her fingers down Seth's back, who relaxed instantly at knowing she was there.

"Yes." Her answer was almost instantaneous and Marissa could hear Summer smile down the phone. Happy her tactic had worked. "I don't know. It's too early for that, I hurt her before, and I don't even know what either of us wants. All I know is I can't stop thinking about her and I haven't been able to stop since she left."

"You already know you decision, Coop, you just have to find it in yourself to make yourself happy. Let him go and start fresh." Marissa smiled and Summer took her silence as thought. "Seth is awake. Call me later and tell me how it went." She abruptly hung up and turned her attention to her boyfriend, Marissa knew she had her support but now she had to do it on her own.

-

Alex leant on the wall of her house, breathing deeply and frowning at the sweat that had formed on her forehead and back. She hated sweating but at the same time it gave her the feeling of running too many miles had worked. She didn't normally like running but she hated having things on her mind, so starting at eight o'clock she had tightened her trainers, turned on her music and ran. It was now ten-thirty and she was worrying about the lack of water she had consumed rather than worrying about Marissa and how she felt.

She knew she loved her deeply but she could, and would, live with being just friends. Anything went when it came to keeping her in Alex's life; afterall she would be here a long time.

"You know. You look hot when you're all sweaty and your clothes are tight." Alex looked up and raised her hands in time to catch a bottle of water that was being hurled at her. She unscrewed the cap and drank half the bottle before actually looking at Jodie.

"Thanks." She didn't want a compliment; she just wanted to go inside. The two talked for a short while about nothing before Jodie decided talking was boring and walked off claiming she was looking for the girl she had found the night before.

Alex looked around and sighed deeply. Jodie had it easy, she didn't fall easy for people and she didn't let them haunt her thoughts. Yeah, she and Jodie had a great time together and they went through a lot but it's not always that your first love always last. Alex had moved on from the Latino girl but was stopped dead in her tracks when she had met Marissa and she hadn't been able to continue forwards, she was stuck and she knew it. She didn't know if it was love or infatuation, all she knew was she needed Marissa in her life.

-

It was a blow. He had to admit that. He knew it was coming but when she had told him, in between fits of sobs, that she didn't truly love him like she should he had felt like he had taken a fist to the stomach. By a very large man.

"Ryan? Can we -" She wiped her eyes. "Can we stay friends?" He turned to her and wrapped her in a long embrace, the feel of her hands on his back filling him with some sort of hope but knowing she would never be his he squashed it.

"I refuse to lose you." He kissed the top of her head. "To be honest I knew this was coming." He felt her grip loosen. "It's been coming for a while." When he felt her nod he had to close his eyes, he wouldn't cry. Not in front of her.

"I wish I could be who you want me to be. I'd do anything but I can't change myself into somebody who loves you as much as I should. I'm sorry." He just nodded and let go of her.

"I'd never ask that of you." He sighed. "Go to her." He felt his heartbreak but he wanted her to be happy.

"Go to who?" Marissa's eyes widened at the prospect of him knowing. He ran his hands down her arms and she felt awful at the thought she didn't shiver in pleasure at his touch.

"Alex."

"I don't..." She wasn't sure what to say. She took in a deep breath.

"We both deserve to be happy and we won't get that with one another. She can obviously give you something I can't." He ran his hand through her hair, feeling her one last time. "Promise me this is what you want. This is what will make you happy."

"It is. She is. How did you know?" She wiped at her eyes again and knew she looked a mess. He shrugged and bit his lip. She didn't need to know it was Alex's name that was the first from her lips in dreams and the fact that Summer hadn't been able to look him in the eye when he had brought up the subject of Marissa and the chance she could love somebody else.

"I just did. Now go. We'll be okay." She nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek. For the rest of the day Ryan savored that and kept himself in his room.

-

Alex rolled her eyes at the persistent knocking of her front door and muttered four lettered curse words as she made her way to the noise. Opening it quickly she caught the hand of a seemingly upset and shocked Marissa.

"What are you doing here? Hell, you look awful. What's wrong?" Alex let go of the brunette's wrist and stepped aside so she could come in. Marissa did and looked at Alex, straight in the eyes. The girl didn't answer for a long time; instead she bit her lip and looked away and then back and then away again.

"It's always going to be you." Alex almost lost her balance when the brunette threw herself at the still reeling shorter girl. Her lips were bruised when they pulled away and Alex was still trying, desperately, to figure out what was going on.

"What about Ryan?"

"It's over. I couldn't hurt him anymore and I couldn't deny what I wanted. I know we don't have it easy or simple but I'm good at working hard and trying. Just, this time, we need to take it a lot slower. And this is starting to sound too cliché and sickly and dramatic, but I needed you to know." Alex frowned at the ramblings of Marissa, unable to keep up with her fast words and flailing arms. All she understood up until now is that she had been kissed by a seemingly mad woman who was now speaking very fast and confusing her.

"You're not with Ryan?" She saw Marissa roll her eyes and nod, willing her to get to the point. "Because you hurt him?"

"Because I didn't love him." She was growing frustrated at how long it was taking for Alex to catch on what was happening. Though, it was being the one in control.

"Oh." Alex paused and pursed her lips. She had caught on and Marissa knew by a spark in her eye and the pulling at the corners of her lips. "And you want me?" The brunette nodded taking a step closer only to be greeted by a sudden stop.

"Alex, what's wrong?"

"You hurt me so much before Marissa. I fell for you harder than I ever though possible and it hurt everyday because I knew you were never fully mine." Marissa opened her mouth but Alex cut her off. "You told me before you don't like change but being with a woman, when you've spent your life loving men, is the biggest change you'll have at the moment in your life."

"But I'll do it with you. I'll change for you, I couldn't for Ryan but I know I can for you." She was persistent, Alex gave her that, but she couldn't be hurt again. It was too much.

"What am I to you? A rebound? Marissa, I loved you since we got together until now and I don't know when I'll ever stop. Don't play mind-games with me because you've done that once before." Alex hated the idea of pushing her away but she had to know. Even if it hurt her, she had to understand how the other girl felt.

"I never stopped thinking about you. I denied it, but it was obvious. Summer knew and I'm sure she wasn't the only one. I don't want this to be hard, I love you. I probably always have I just didn't realize it at the time 'cause I needed to grow up, and I have. I'll do anything to prove it to you. You can't be my rebound when I've never gotten over you." She cupped the blonde girls face and pleaded with her eyes. It was a long time before Alex answered her.

"I came back here because of you. I told myself it wasn't but I was lying. If you hurt me again I won't be able to return." Their foreheads were together now and Alex could hear a small sigh emit from the other girls mouth.

"I'm sick of hurting people. This time I know what I want." Their eyes caught and Alex nodded finally believing the taller girl.

"Good. And just for the record, it's always been you too." Marissa smiled and ran her hands down to Alex's arms, holding her and gradually moving closer. "We'll take it slower this time." Alex moved away from the girl and shut the front door that gave the outside world a view of what was happening. "You do know happy endings are only in fairy tails though, right?"

"Yeah, I don't expect it to be easy anyway. I won't let you go this time." Alex took the other girl in her arms, bringing her into an embrace and holding her tightly. She wouldn't let go either.


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

She hated weddings. Having to dress up and look pretty just to stick on a rubber smile and tell everybody how beautiful the bride looks and nod earnestly when people commented on how two people were meant to be. She made an exception though today because it was her friends wedding. Actually, it was her girlfriends best friends wedding to a guy she dated for a short period of time before he realised she was bi and he loved someone else. Shaking her head she pulled a face; that was confusing.

Outside it was warm, but not too hot, she wouldn't be able to last if it was too hot. Although the wedding was outside, she was feeling trapped and hot enough in the dress that clung to her body like a second skin. It was light blue, nothing special, no fancy straps or strange artwork she was never fond of - it was simple and stylish and was helped chosen by Marissa, obviously. She smiled at the memory.

_Marissa squealed once more at seeing another dress and grabbed it, sending another woman a death glare, before holding it up in front of her for Alex to see. _

_"This one." She didn't question her choice, she didn't need to, it was perfect and that was the end of it. She could already imagine it on Alex and she knew exactly what it would do to her eyes and how it would send them into being brighter and more alluring. _

_"You said that about the last three dresses. This is Summer and Seth's day, it dosen't matter what I turn up in." She heard the sharp intake of breath and held out her hand. "Fine, I'll put it on." Beaming, Marissa handed her the dress before moving closer to her. _

_"Thank you. Really, I know you hate dressing up and you would rather go in a skirt and some top that says 'If you look at this you're a bitch.' but I just want it to be perfect for Summer." She held her stare and smirked when the blonde backed down. She couldn't resist her. _

_"I won't be long." With that she turned and got changed. The purple streak stayed in her hair, she might change her image for the day but that was not going. She quickly slipped into the dress and surprised herself when she looked in the mirror. "I look hot." She muttered before opening to door and seeing her girlfriend there, a smile on her face and a pair of high-heels in her hands. Her eyes sparkled and Alex knew she looked good. _

_"You look amazing."_

She rolled her eyes, hating having memories like that because being a punk-rebel meant you didn't have a soft side; but she did. Just if anybody saw it she would deny it wholeheartedly.

"Go outside and sit down." Hearing Marissa voice she turned and smiled. "I know. I look sexy, gorgeous, and beautiful and you want me." How did this girl get so good at reading her mind? "You've told me three times." Oh, that's how.

"Okay, I'd kiss you but I don't want to ruin that make up." She took another glance at Marissa, her eyes burning a path down her body and finally making their way back to her blushing face. "I'll see you soon." She smiled and walked outside to take her place with all the other guests.

Outside receptions were better in Alex's opinion. It gave the opportunity to have something fresher and more serene than having to sit inside a church while you froze to death. Some soft music started and there was a large shuffling noise as everybody turned to watch the bride walk down the isle to her man. Alex didn't turn though, instead she gave a supporting smile to Seth who seemed to be nervously twitching and becoming more anxious by the second, only to be soothed by the sight of Summer walking towards him. He had confessed to her that he was scared she would back out at the last minute, saying they were too young and that they should wait, it was too obvious though that they were both ready and today proved it.

The two were joined at the front by the bridesmaids, one being Marissa and the other Taylor Townsend. She was pretty, Alex gave her that, but she didn't match up to Marissa. She watched the flirtatious glances between her and Ryan and smiled slightly, not only had Ryan moved on but he was happy now and that strong undercurrent of jealousy in the pit of Alex's stomach settled at the prospect of Ryan not wanting to get Marissa back. Her jealousy was an issue and she knew it, but she could help but keep thinking that if Ryan took Marissa away; would the brunette put up a fight? It wasn't easy when her jealousy took over and she and Marissa had several arguments, breaking up once; only to get back together a week later. Alex had cried down the phone, claiming she was stupid, and Marissa trying to keep up with the babble while drying her own eyes at the same time. They had talked and it had been resolved, her jealousy thrown out of the window, but she still grimaced at remembering that night Marissa had walked out.

_"You have got to be fucking kidding me, Alex!" Marissa span around and stood in front of her. She used her height as an advantage but Alex wasn't fazed by it, only putting her hands on her lover's shoulders and pushing her back so she could see her properly._

_"No. You promised me you didn't love him, Marissa, but you lied to me again! You said you were going out with Summer but instead I find you walking hand in hand down the beach with your ex. What do you expect me to say?" Her eyes had darkened and Marissa knew she was angry but she was tired of having to explain this over and over again._

_"We were not hand in hand. How many times do I have to tell you? He was upset about something with Taylor and I comforted him. I thought you could trust me." Tears welled but she wiped them away. She hated arguing with Alex. "I didn't tell you because I knew you would react like this." Alex folded her arms and her body relaxed, her voice taking on a calm tone._

_"Fine, you don't have to tell me anything anymore." She took a step back. "It's over. I can't be with someone I don't trust and who can't tell me the truth." The two stood in stoney silence, not really wanting to believe what had just been said. The silence was broken, however, with the slamming of the front door. Then Marissa was gone. _

Alex drew in a deep breath. That was one night she never wanted to remember, sure they had gotten back together and Alex had told her a little more about her past and why she was so protective but she hated the idea of losing Marissa. It happened twice. How did she know it wouldn't happen again? She returned the smile Marissa flashed her and threw the thought to the back of her mind. Life was full of little surprises, she would just have to wait and see.

-

Wrapping her arms around Alex's waist Marissa sighed. They were dancing slowly to the music that surrounded the hall, the Cohen's and Roberts had put good money into this and it showed. She felt the blonde move closer and she knew something was weighing on her mind. She smiled at Alex's attire; it was usual her. Tight jeans and a plain top that showed off more skin than it tried to cover. They had posed for pictures, drank and ate, reflected on the day and now finally they had some time alone.

"Something's wrong." She whispered. The smaller girl, even in heels, pulled away and looked at the brunette. She shook her head but Marissa kept it up. "I can't help if you don't tell me." Alex shrugged and played with Marissa top, moving it between her fingers and incidentally pulling her close against her.

"It's stupid." She let her arms dangle to her sides only to be caught again in Marissa's hands and her gaze focused into her eyes. She couldn't lie to those eyes; they saw right through her and made her squirm under the intensity.

"If it upsets you, of all people, it's not stupid." She put her hand on Alex's cheek. Everyone knew they were an item and she didn't feel the need to hide it. Some people accepted it and others dismissed it as another way for Marissa Cooper to get attention and felt sorry for the teenaged rebel. Her mother hadn't talked to her for a few days but had given in saying if she was happy then she would accept it, there had to be something there if they returned to one another's arms. Right? She hadn't bothered to explain it to her mother and they had a 'do what you want as long as I don't know' relationship. Then again, it was better than nothing.

"We can't have all this you know." It was out before she could catch the words and they were soon followed by more. "Wedding. Kids. The family thing. I can't give you that; I don't know if being married with kids is who I am. But what if that's who you are?" She pulled her arms from Marissa's grasp and pushed her hair behind her shoulders, an excuse to look up and hide the tears. Why the hell was she crying? Too much white wine. Or that expensive stuff coming from the angel's mouth in the fountain. She brought her gaze back to an amused looking Marissa.

"Alex. I'm twenty years old, I don't need to marry you to know I'm going to spend my life with you and as for kids, well, if my mother is anything to go by; I wont do it well." She reasoned then put her finger over Alex's lips. "I don't want all this. I just need your promise you won't ever leave." She moved her finger and raised her eyebrow in a comedic fashion, bringing a smile to pull on Alex's lips.

"Promise." Her eyes danced and her gaze was brought to Julie Cooper in an embrace, still, with Summer's father. She cuddled into Marissa and couldn't suppress the small giggle that emitted from her mouth; Marissa didn't need to ask what she was laughing at. She was remembering telling Julie about them for the second time.

_"So, you think you're gay?" Finally Julie Cooper had sat down with Marissa, a week after they had admitted to being together. Alex sat in the corner not making too much noise and trying not to laugh at the face that seemed to be stuck on the older woman's face. She didn't know what to do._

_"No. I know I am." Marissa tilted the spoon in her coffee cup and watched as some of the liquid joined the rest of it in the mug. Her eyes glanced over to Alex who sent her a smile and she brought her gaze back around to her mother._

_"How do you know?" Obviously she didn't want to believe it. Marissa was always trying something to annoy her and she didn't want to believe this was something she wanted._

_"I like sex with girls. Alex mainly." She didn't laugh and she didn't smile. Her face was on serious. Until her mother became wide-eyed and Alex wouldn't stop laughing herself. She blushed and looked down at the table, she felt Alex's hand on her shoulder and suddenly felt confident._

_"What she means is that she can't help who she falls for. It just happened to be me." Marissa nodded quickly and tried to rid her mind of the images that were assaulting it ever since the words slipped out of her mouth that contained 'Alex' and 'sex'. _

_"Mom?" Julie looked up and swallowed her pride. This was her eldest girl and if being with Alex would put her on the right track she supposed she couldn't complain. Marissa wouldn't stop seeing her anyway and she obviously wanted to keep her mom in her life. So she backed down the hard-bitch mode and became a mom. _

_"If that is what makes you happy then okay." She stood up and eyed them warily. "I'll make some more coffee." _

-

They lay on the bed in the hotel room and Marissa was still laughing at some joke on the TV that wasn't all that funny. Alex just stared at her like she was loosing it but she smiled too when she was the tears in Marissa's eyes. She might find stupid things funny, have a bad past and have a bitch for a mother but Marissa Cooper was hers.

"Alex?" She turned and looked at Marissa. She had calmed down now but she was still a little red. "Do you think we'll be together forever?" She sounded so innocent. Alex wasn't sure how to answer, it was impossible to say what the future would hold or what could happen. Instead she shrugged.

"We'll see." She closed her eyes. "I don't have any plans that include letting you go so you're going to be stuck with me for a very long time." And then she left it. She had been hurt before and she was slowly letting Marissa back in, nothing fast. It had been nearly eleven months and Marissa was still living with Julie while Alex stayed at her own place, occasionally having Jodie as company but she left as soon as she came. Alex often wondered what she had taken to keep up all that energy.

"I look forward to it." Marissa looked back at the television, happy with the honest answer she had received. It wasn't cheesy like others she had heard which generally spouted lies about being together forever and ever and living happily. Alex was real. They were real.

**And I really hate that ending but I thought I might as well finish it off before I start anything else. I have to, it's my new rule. Finish one story before starting another. Don't know how long I will stick to that rule.**


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